Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters takes the Brothers Grimm’s abandoned children and turns them into mercenaries who kill witches for money. Tommy Wirkola wrote and directed the 2013 film, which runs 88 minutes and stars Jeremy Renner as Hansel and Gemma Arterton as Gretel. Its tagline promises that “Revenge is sweeter than candy.”
Trailer, via Paramount Pictures.
The Gingerbread House, Revisited
The film opens on the fairy tale itself. Left in the forest by their father, the children find a candy house, get captured by a cannibalistic witch, and burn her in her own oven. That childhood trauma becomes a career. The grown siblings travel town to town, exterminating witches for hire, immune to most spells.
One detail stands out. The witch’s candy left Hansel with a magic-induced form of diabetes, and he injects insulin every few hours.
Augsburg and the Blood Moon
Hansel and Gretel arrive in Augsburg, where Mayor Engleman has hired them to find the town’s missing children. Sheriff Berringer, played by Peter Stormare, hires his own trackers to humiliate the mayor. Famke Janssen plays Muriel, the grand dark witch, who is preparing for the Blood Moon.
Muriel plans to sacrifice twelve children to gain immunity to fire, the witches’ greatest weakness. The siblings capture a horned witch and learn the plan. The tracker Jackson, played by Bjørn Sundquist, is killed by Muriel while trying to help Gretel. A local teenager named Ben, an avid fan who wants to become a witch hunter, saves Gretel during the attack.
A Script With Nothing Underneath
Wirkola has said he wanted Gretel to be “a really, really strong and fun female character.” The role was first planned for Noomi Rapace, with Diane Kruger and Eva Green reportedly in talks before Arterton was cast. Renner has said he signed on partly for the one sheet showing the siblings walking away from a burning witch, calling the idea “incredibly interesting.”
“When I read the script, my first thought was, ‘I can’t believe this hasn’t been done yet.'”
The premise is a joke stretched to 88 minutes. The witches die in sprays of blood; the siblings trade quips.
What the Box Office Proves
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters grossed $226 million against a $50 million budget. It does not explain why anyone should watch it now.
Wirkola gave Hansel a flaw the fairy tale never had. The film was delayed from March 2012 to shoot a post-credits scene with Renner.
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