“This Means War” is a comedy about two spies falling for the same woman, and it spends almost the whole movie proving it can’t handle the premise. Chris Pine and Tom Hardy play best friends and CIA agents who find themselves dating Reese Witherspoon, and the movie’s entire problem is that it never decides whether it wants to be a tense spy thriller or a romantic comedy.
Trailer, via Rotten Tomatoes Trailers.
The Spy Plot
The setup is simple: Pine and Hardy stop a criminal named Karl Heinrich from getting his hands on a weapon of mass destruction in Hong Kong. The mission fails, and Heinrich swears vengeance. Back in the U.S., their boss puts them on desk duty for protection. That’s where the romance starts, with Pine crashing a date Hardy has set up and then secretly following him around.
The problem is that none of this is funny. The action scenes are fine, but they’re mostly there to get the characters back to the romantic complications, which the movie can’t seem to manage. The movie wants you to care about the stakes of a spy operation and the stakes of a love triangle at the same time, and it can’t do both.
The Romantic Triangle
The comedy is supposed to come from the two men competing for the same woman without telling her they know each other. But the jokes fall flat. The best example is Pine’s insistence on being Hardy’s backup for dates, hiding nearby and pretending to be a normal guy. It’s meant to be a running gag, but it’s more annoying than amusing.
The movie also leans heavily on the idea that Pine is a womanizer while Hardy is a divorced single father trying to reconnect with his son. That contrast is supposed to drive the comedy, but it doesn’t land. The film keeps circling the same setup — Pine gatecrashes a date, Hardy gets hurt, Pine gets hurt — without finding new ways to make it funny.
A Cast Worth More Than the Material
The performances are the film’s saving grace. Pine and Hardy both bring energy to their roles, and Witherspoon grounds the romantic side of things. Til Schweiger shows up as the villain, and Chelsea Handler plays Lauren’s best friend. The supporting cast is solid, but they don’t get enough to do.
The film’s biggest flaw is its writing. The jokes are obvious, the setup is repeated, and the payoff never arrives. The movie knows it’s a silly premise and leans into it without ever committing to it fully. That indecision is fatal.
The Numbers
- Title: This Means War (2012)
- Director: McG
- Writer: Marcus Gautesen, Timothy Dowling, Simon Kinberg
- Runtime: 98 minutes
- Genres: Action, Comedy, Romance
- Tagline: “It’s SPY Against SPY”
- Budget: $65 million
- Worldwide Gross: $156.5 million
- Critical Score: 3.1/10
This Means War is a mess that never figures out what it wants to be. It has a great cast and a premise that could have worked, but the execution is weak. The jokes don’t land, the tension isn’t earned, and the ending feels rushed. It’s a forgettable watch that wastes the talents of its leads.
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