A child psychotherapist has shared six rules for parents of teenagers on TikTok, and one of those rules is a bold move: stop taking away phones as punishment. The video, posted by @the.therapy.shed, racked up 134,700 likes and 9,410 comments as of publication.
The therapist identified herself as a child psychotherapist in the video, and she framed the rules as a simple list for parents who want to keep their teenagers safe. “If I could give every parent of a teenager just six rules, these would probably be them,” she said. She added a warning about the final item: “And No. 6 might upset a few people.”
The Truth Comes First Rule
The therapist’s first rule is that teenagers should never be in trouble for telling the truth. She pointed to common scenarios: a child might have searched for something frightening online, gone somewhere off limits, or drunk too much. Her advice is blunt: “Your first job is to get them safe, not to teach them a lesson.”
She told parents to hold off on consequences. “Consequences can wait. Safety can’t,” she said.
The Emergency Signal
The second rule is an emergency signal between parent and teen. The therapist suggested a simple text message, “maybe just an X.” When a parent receives it, they should phone right away and invent a reason to come home, such as “Grandad’s ill, the dog has escaped.”
The idea is that teenagers can leave a situation without looking embarrassed. The therapist said parents should not interrogate afterward. “You just get them home safely.”
Hard Subjects Matter
The third rule covers the topics teenagers tend to avoid. The therapist listed pornography, nudes, alcohol, drugs, consent, coercion, and unhealthy relationships. Her point is that teenagers may avoid these subjects because they feel awkward, not because they do not matter.
“If you don’t have the conversation first, somebody else will,” she said.
Staying Calm Matters
The fourth rule is about parental reactions. When teenagers tell you something difficult, your face matters, the therapist said. A panicked, shouting, or angry first response teaches teenagers that “their honesty isn’t safe,” she said.
A parent who listens calmly makes it more likely that teenagers “come back the next time something goes wrong,” she said.
Open the Discussion
The fifth rule is about decision-making. Instead of closing down mornings, curfews, or freedom rules, the therapist said parents should open the discussion. She suggested asking questions like:
- What do you think would be fair?
- How could you reassure me about the worries I have?
- If this agreement wasn’t kept, what do you think a fair consequence would be?
She said that, in her experience, “teenagers are often much harder on themselves than their parents would ever have been.” Teenagers who help create the rules, she said, “are far more likely to respect them.”
The Phone Rule
The sixth rule is the one she expected to upset people. “Stop taking away their phones as punishment,” the TikToker said. For a teenager, a phone is “their social life, their support network, and sometimes their safest way of contacting you.”
“In all my years working with families, I’ve never met one who successfully stopped their teenager from accessing their phone,” she claimed. Teenagers “borrow one, hide one or find another way.” She said, “What often changes isn’t their behaviour. It’s their honesty.”
She concluded: “Your goal isn’t to raise a teenager who never makes mistakes. It’s to raise one who calls you when they do. I hope that helps.”
Commenters Weigh In
The comments below the video show real disagreement. One commenter shared a family code of their own. “We have a code. If my daughter says ‘pretty please,’ then my job is to say no and force her to come home,” they wrote.
Another commenter disagreed with the first rule. “You can tell us everything you wont [sic] get in trouble,” they wrote. “Guess who got in trouble every time I opened up to my parents.”
A third commenter added a rule of their own. “Never lie about where you are,” they wrote. “My mum always said she would rather know where I was (even if dodgy).” The commenter said a missing teenager who lied could cost police hours. “That scared me enough to be honest!”
Comparing the Rules
| Rule | Key Point |
|---|---|
| Truth Comes First | Never punish a teenager for telling the truth |
| Emergency Signal | Use a code word to signal a parent to call |
| Hard Subjects | Cover pornography, drugs, consent early |
| Staying Calm | A panicked face teaches dishonesty |
| Open the Discussion | Ask teenagers what they think is fair |
| The Phone Rule | Phones are a teenager’s support network |
Our View
The video offers a clear set of guidelines for parents who want their teenagers to feel safe at home. The therapist’s rules are not a cure-all, but they point in a useful direction. The therapist’s argument is that the behavior rarely changes — what changes is honesty.
The comment thread shows the tension. Some parents agree with the rules. Others have lived through the opposite: a teenager who told the truth and got in trouble anyway. That is a real concern.
The Daily Dot was unable to independently verify the creator’s professional experience or identity. The details above reflect the TikTok video and comments posted beneath it.
The video ends with a simple mission statement: raising a teenager who never makes mistakes is impossible. Raising one who calls home when they do is within reach. That is a fair goal.
The therapist’s rules are not a guarantee. But they are a start. And a start, for many parents, is exactly what they need.
Source material: “Child Psychotherapist Shares Six Rules for Parents of Teenagers, Including Ending Phone Punishments,” The Daily Dot.
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