Cameron Diaz plays Elizabeth Halsey, a middle school teacher in Chicago who hates her job, her students and her co-workers. She curses at the kids, drinks heavily, smokes marijuana, and puts on movies so she can sleep through class. Bad Teacher, released June 24, 2011 by Columbia Pictures, asks you to find that funny for 92 minutes. It mostly does not.
Trailer, via Sony Pictures Entertainment.
Elizabeth Halsey and the Fiancé Who Dumps Her
The setup is thin and it knows it. Elizabeth plans to quit teaching and marry her wealthy fiancé Mark. His mother shows him that Elizabeth is only after his money, and he dumps her. So she goes back to work.
That is the whole engine. Jake Kasdan directs from a script by Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg, and the tagline — “She doesn’t give an ‘F.'” — sets the register before a frame runs. In this paper’s view, the film never finds a second gear.
The $9,300 Procedure and the $5,700 Bonus
Elizabeth sets her sights on Scott Delacorte, a wealthy substitute teacher played by Justin Timberlake. She rejects the advances of Russell Gettis, the gym teacher, played by Jason Segel. Her colleague Amy Squirrel, played by Lucy Punch, also pursues Scott.
Then Elizabeth learns that Scott’s ex-girlfriend had large breasts. So she decides on breast implants, priced at $9,300. What follows is a run of schemes to raise the money:
- A 7th-grade car wash in provocative clothing
- Manipulating parents into giving her money for school supplies and tutoring
- Forcing her class to study To Kill a Mockingbird for the state test, chasing a $5,700 bonus
Amy tells the principal about the embezzlement. He dismisses the claims when no evidence is provided. That, to this paper, is a complication the film does not bother to build on.
A Scheme the Published Summary Drops
Late in the film, Scott admits he is attracted to Amy and only likes Elizabeth as a friend. Amy and Scott start dating. Elizabeth befriends Russell.
The published plot summary also describes Elizabeth impersonating a journalist to get close to a state professor, drugging him and taking the test answers. The summary stops mid-scene, so this paper cannot say what the film does with that theft, or whether it is ever addressed. We are not going to guess at an ending the record does not give.
A Cast That Deserves Better Material
The supporting players are the reason to sit through this. Phyllis Smith plays Lynn Davies. John Michael Higgins plays Principal Wally Snur. Thomas Lennon is Carl Halabi. Molly Shannon and Eric Stonestreet show up as Melody and Kirk. Kaitlyn Dever, Kathryn Newton and Matthew J. Evans play students.
Diaz commits. That is not the same as being given anything to play. Timberlake’s Scott reads, to this paper, as a punchline with no interior. Segel’s Russell is written with a warmth the rest of the cast is not, and the film treats him as a consolation prize.
What the Car Wash Scene Actually Costs
Bad Teacher never settles whether we are laughing with Elizabeth or at her. It splits the difference and lands on neither.
The car wash, the parent money, the drugged professor — each beat is staged to shock. Amy reports the embezzlement and nothing comes of it. Elizabeth wins the bonus anyway. A comedy can run on a character who escapes a reckoning. This one, in this paper’s view, does not earn that.
The Numbers on Bad Teacher
- Release date: June 24, 2011
- Distributor: Columbia Pictures
- Runtime: 92 minutes
- Genre: Comedy
- Metacritic: 47/100
- Gross: $216 million
- Implant procedure: $9,300
- Test-score bonus: $5,700
Why the $216 Million Matters Less Than It Looks
Bad Teacher grossed $216 million. That number will get cited as proof the film worked. It is not. The mixed reviews were not a failure of nerve from critics. They were the correct read.
The film has one real asset: a cast willing to play ugly. What it lacks, on this paper’s reading, is a second idea. Kasdan and his writers had a premise and a tagline. On the evidence of the finished film, that is all they had.
Worth watching once, on a plane, half-asleep. That is a low bar, and Bad Teacher does not clear it with room to spare.
47/100 (Metacritic)
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