Valerie Adams, a TikToker, has a list for the dating world. In a video posted on February 15, she sets out three things a man who wants a relationship would never do. The post drew about 29,700 likes, 4,396 saves and 88 comments, and was shared 485 times at the time of publication. The title is simple: “Woman Says Men Who Want a Relationship ‘Would Never’ Do These 3 Things While Dating.”
The video runs as a set of warnings, each framed as a sign that a man is not interested in a serious future. The three behaviors she flags are talking about other women, asking to slow down, and acting territorial. She introduces the list as things a man who likes someone “would never do in the early stages of dating.” She teases viewers with a special reveal toward the end of her video: “He’s probably not looking for something long term, especially if he’s done number three.”
Talking About Other Women
The first item is a man who discusses other women with someone he is dating. Valerie says he would not use his precious time with you to talk about other women. “He doesn’t want you to think, gosh, there’s so many other women in the picture. I must have competition,” she explains. She questions the man’s focus, saying “he sees it as unhelpful if he were to be talking about other women.”
This is the kind of warning that plays well to an audience that wants reassurance. The logic is that a man who talks about other women is signaling that he has plenty of options, and you are not the only one he is considering. Valerie frames it as a waste of time: why spend precious minutes on a woman he is not dating when he could be focused on you?
Slowing Down or Taking a Step Back
The second item is a man asking to slow down or take a step back. Valerie says he is not going to ask you to slow down or let’s take a step back. “He knows that momentum is very valuable in the early stages of dating,” she argues. She describes the behavior she wants her man to exhibit: “He wants to be moving things forward with you.” Then she tells viewers, “It just isn’t smart if he wants something long term with you.”
The argument here is that a man who wants a relationship should be pushing forward, not pausing. Asking to slow down is a red flag, according to Valerie, because it breaks the momentum she says is essential in the early stages. She positions the request as a sign of a man who is not committed, and her video makes the case that a man who asks for space is not worth holding onto.
Acting Territorial
The third item is where the video takes a turn. Valerie claims that a man who wants to date you will not put himself in a position “for another man to swoop in.” She emphasizes how confidence matters in this situation. “When you hold that energy and see yourself that way, other men pick up on that,” the creator explained. She says the man’s reaction should be, “Wait, I need to be top of mind.”
This is the most important red flag on her list. She frames it as a sign of commitment: a man who is confident enough to let the relationship develop naturally will not worry about other men coming after you. The logic is that a man who acts territorial is insecure, and insecurity is not a trait Valerie associates with someone who wants a long-term relationship.
What the Video Actually Says
Valerie’s video is built on a contradiction. She spends most of it listing behaviors she says a man who wants a relationship would avoid, then pivots to a claim that a man who wants a relationship will not put himself in a position for another man to swoop in. That is a different kind of territorialism dressed up as confidence.
She ends the video with some advice: “You have too much value to offer to let yourself get caught up in this.” The message is clear: if a man is doing any of these things, he is not worth your time. The video is a set of rules for how a man should behave, and the rules are designed to keep you from getting attached to someone who might not want the same thing you do.
The Comment Section
The video drew responses from viewers who saw themselves in the advice. One commenter replied, “All he does is talk about his exs… im [sic] sick and tired of hearing about them…” Another viewer wrote in response to Valerie’s advice: “I am ready for a meaningful connection with the right man,” and added, “I’m single, but my standards are not.”
The Daily Dot, which reported on the video, notes that it could not independently verify the claims described in this TikTok. The details above reflect @thevalerieadams’ account as shared on TikTok. Her identity and credentials, as well as those of the commenters, have not been confirmed.
That caveat is important. The video is a personal account, and the Daily Dot is not asserting that Valerie’s observations are true. The reporting is transparent about what it can and cannot confirm, which is a reasonable approach to a social media post.
What We Make of It
Valerie’s video is a useful reminder that dating involves boundaries, and it is fine to want a partner who respects them. But the specific list she offers is overly prescriptive. It treats a man’s behavior as a fixed signal of his intentions.
For example, a man who asks to slow down might simply want to take his time. That is not necessarily a sign that he does not want a relationship. It could be a sign that he values quality over speed.
The video also ignores the power dynamic. A man who is confident enough to let other men swoop in might be confident in ways that are not healthy. Confidence can mask control.
The Numbers
- Post: TikTok, created by @thevalerieadams
- Date posted: February 15
- Likes: about 29,700
- Saves: 4,396
- Comments: 88
- Shares: 485
- Daily Dot verification: Not possible
Valerie’s video is a piece of cultural content, not a scientific study. It reflects her views, and her views are not universal. The comment section proves that. People have different experiences, and what counts as a red flag for one person might be a non-issue for another.
The Daily Dot’s reporting is careful, and the video itself is honest about being a personal account. Neither the reporting nor the post pretends to be more than it is. That is the right approach to a subject this personal.
Valerie’s video is a set of rules for dating, and the rules are simple: a man who wants you will not talk about other women, will not ask to slow down, and will not act territorial. The problem is that real relationships are rarely that simple.
Source material: “Woman Says Men Who Want a Relationship ‘Would Never’ Do These 3 Things While Dating,” The Daily Dot.
Get the Notebook.
The day's best stories and every fresh verdict, in plain English, in your inbox by seven. One email a day, no more.