Square Enix has a problem, and it is named Cid. The latest clips from Final Fantasy VII Revelation show the party in hot springs, and the men of the group are wearing bathing suits. Barret looks exactly as he should, but Cid is smooth as Cloud’s twink ass.
The clips come from director Naoki Hamaguchi, who confirmed players can unlock and use the bathing suits throughout the game. The scenes are light-hearted, with Cloud, Red XIII, and Barret balancing rubber chocobos on their heads in one clip, and Barret and Cid stumbling upon Vincent bathing in full combat armor in the other. It is the kind of moment that shows Square Enix knows how to have fun with its characters.
But the fan writer behind the coverage wants to know why Cid is smooth as Cloud’s twink ass. The complaint is simple: Cid is a grizzled world’s-oldest-32-year-old, and he should look like it. Instead, he looks like a hairless twink.
The Hot-Springs Clips
The clips are meant to be fun. They are the kind of scene that shows Square Enix loves its characters and their dynamics. The chocobo-balancing bit is pure comedy, and the stumble into Vincent’s bath is a classic awkward encounter. These are the moments that make the Remake trilogy feel alive, even when the story stumbles.
The clips also come with a warning. The voice cast will make these scenes sing when the English dub arrives. For now, the dialogue is in Japanese, and the writer admits they cannot understand what is being said. The visual joke is the point anyway.
Barret Gets His Beef
The writer has no complaints about Barret. He is perfect, with no notes needed. After Rebirth stuck Barret in a sailor suit instead of letting him show off his beefy, ripped self, the game is making up for it. Barret’s bathing suit fits his character, and the writer appreciates the effort.
It is Cid that draws the ire. The writer describes him as a hairy-chested daddy, and the game has turned him into a hairless twink. The cigarettes were taken away, but the ruggedness should still be there as a treat for the player.
“Hey, spiritually, this man should have a fuzzy chest, and I think we all know this.”
Body Hair in Games
This is not the first time a game has struggled with body hair. Some games simply do not render it at all, a limitation the writer has lamented before. Dragon Age: The Veilguard lets players customize their characters extensively but makes everyone smooth below the neck, from the twinklest elf to the burliest dwarf.
The pattern holds across the series. Here is how the games handle chest hair:
- Dragon Age: The Veilguard — smooth below the neck
- Wolverine — goes out of its way to keep the hero hairy everywhere he should be
A Case Study in Hairy Men
The writer points to Wolverine as a positive example. That game went out of its way to make its claw-wielding hero hairy in just about every place he should be. The constant showcasing of his hairiness happens as his armor tears apart in fights. The question the writer asks is simple: what, does he shave his pits or something?
Cid, meanwhile, is allegedly 32 but in actuality 47. He should have a fuzzy chest, and the writer thinks everyone knows it. The April 8 release date on PC, PS5, Switch 2, and Xbox Series X/S means there is time to fix this.
What the Complaint Actually Means
The complaint is small but telling. It is not about the story or the mechanics. It is about presentation. The writer cares enough about these characters to notice a missing detail, and they want it restored.
This is a fan reaction, not a critical review. The writer is not asking for a redesign. They are asking for a texture change.
The April 8 Deadline
Revelation is not out yet. The April 8 release on PC, PS5, Switch 2, and Xbox Series X/S gives Square Enix a window to act. The writer has made their case publicly, and the company has the opportunity to listen.
Whether the change happens is another matter. The clips show the game is capable of doing these moments well. The question is whether the team pays attention to this particular note.
The Fan Reaction
The writer is clearly invested in the outcome. The argument is playful but sincere.
The writer’s point is that Cid should look like a grown man. He is 47, and his age should be visible in his appearance. The smooth skin reads as a mistake, and the writer wants it corrected.
The Takeaway
The clips are funny. The complaint is valid. The deadline exists. Square Enix has the chance to make Cid look like himself.
The writer has made the case. Now it is up to Square Enix to listen.
Source material: “Excuse Me, Square Enix, Where The Hell Is Cid’s Chest Hair In Final Fantasy VII Revelation?,” Kotaku.
Get the Notebook.
The day's best stories and every fresh verdict, in plain English, in your inbox by seven. One email a day, no more.