Connor Mead is a man who treats love like a hobby. Matthew McConaughey plays him as a celebrity photographer who sleeps with anyone he wants, anytime he wants, and thinks nothing of it. On the eve of his younger brother Paul’s wedding, he breaks up with three women over a conference call to save time. That night, the ghost of his late Uncle Wayne appears and tells him he will be visited by three ghosts who will show him his past, present and future. The idea is simple, and it should work. It doesn’t.
Trailer, via Warner Bros. Rewind.
The Setup
The film is a loose adaptation of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, with the holiday setting moved to a wedding day. Connor replaces Ebenezer Scrooge, Wayne takes the role of Jacob Marley, and Jenny Perotti stands in for Belle. The setup is clear: a man who has spent his life chasing pleasure is about to see the consequences of his choices laid out in front of him.
“You can’t always run from your past.”
That tagline sums up the whole premise. The problem is that the film never commits to it. Instead, it spends most of its runtime being a raunchy comedy about a man who gets laid a lot.
The Three Ghosts
The first ghost is Allison Vandermeersh, played by Emma Stone. She represents Connor’s past, and the film uses her to walk through his history with Jenny. The scene where Connor promised to keep a picture of Jenny forever is meant to be touching. It isn’t. The second ghost is Melanie, played by Noureen DeWulf, who represents the present. The third ghost is the future, and the film ends with a final warning about what Connor’s life will look like if he keeps running from love.
Each ghost shows Connor a version of himself he doesn’t want to be. The problem is that the film keeps interrupting these moments with jokes about sex, or with scenes of Connor making crude comments to the wedding guests. The tone never settles. One minute you’re supposed to feel sad for Connor, the next you’re supposed to laugh at him. Neither works.
The Characters
Jennifer Garner plays Jenny Perotti, the one woman Connor has always wanted but kept pushing away. Her scenes are the film’s best, because she actually seems to care about what happens to Connor. Breckin Meyer plays Paul, the brother getting married, and Lacey Chabert plays Sandra, his fiancée. Their wedding is the engine of the entire plot, and yet the film barely spends time with them. Michael Douglas plays Uncle Wayne as a hard-partying ladies’ man who taught Connor everything he knows about picking up women. His performance is the most committed in the film, but even he can’t rescue the script.
Robert Forster plays Sergeant Volkom, Sandra’s father, and Anne Archer plays Vonda Volkom, Sandra’s mother. Emma Stone gets a small role as Allison, and Daniel Sunjata plays Brad Frye. Rachel Boston and Camille Guaty play Deena and Donna, two bridesmaids. The cast is full, and the film wastes most of them.
The Problem
The film’s biggest flaw is that it never decides what kind of movie it wants to be. It wants to be a romantic comedy, a fantasy adventure, and a cautionary tale all at once. None of those things work together. The result is a film that feels scattered, with jokes landing at odd moments and the emotional beats arriving late or not at all.
The film also leans heavily on McConaughey’s charm to carry it. That works for stretches, but even he can’t sustain the pacing. The middle section drags, and the final act rushes through its conclusion without giving the audience time to sit with what Connor has learned.
The Verdict
“Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” is a film with a good idea and a terrible execution. It tries to remake A Christmas Carol for a modern audience, and it fails to understand why the original worked. The ghosts are thin, the jokes fall flat, and the central character never earns our sympathy.
It’s not a disaster. It’s just a forgettable comedy that wastes a good cast and a good premise. If you’re looking for a light watch, it might deliver a few laughs. If you’re looking for a meaningful story about redemption, you’ll find none here.
3.4 out of 10.
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