For generations of American women, sex education was a list of things you could not talk about. In churches, schools and homes, the conversation stopped at disease, stayed silent on desire, and left young people without the language to name what their bodies actually did.
Now a new essay argues that romance novels did the work the classroom refused to do. The genre filled in the gaps left by abstinence-only education, teaching anatomy, vocabulary and the idea that pleasure exists at all.
The essay, titled “How Romance Novels Filled in the Gaps Left by Sex Ed,” comes from Caroline Eubanks, who writes about the power of “smut” to break taboos around sex. Her argument rests on a simple observation: while schools avoided talking about desire, romance novels offered a steady stream of it, complete with explicit scenes, taboo words and the occasional popcorn-eating love interest.
Abstinence Education in Georgia
Eubanks describes her own introduction to sex as a young woman in Georgia. Church youth group talks promoted abstinence. Health classes listed the topics teachers were forbidden to cover, then focused on disease. The message was consistent: sex belonged inside marriage, and young women who pursued it outside that boundary risked ruin.
That approach had consequences beyond shame. Iman Hariri-Kia, a former sex and relationships editor and author of several titles, including her recent book Female Fantasy, told Eubanks that many cisgender women in America enter adulthood without the tools to understand or advocate for their own sexuality.
The mental health toll is documented. Researchers studying evangelical purity culture have linked the approach to increased anxiety, depression and sexual dysfunction. They also find a lack of knowledge and language around sex and pleasure. A review of abstinence-only education as state policy concluded it was ineffective at preventing teenage pregnancy and may actually contribute to higher rates.
Romance as Informal Education
Romance novels have long carried a reputation for cheap paperbacks, bare-chested Fabio covers and authors like Jackie Collins and Danielle Steel. Harlequin launched as an imprint targeting housewives, who could buy titles at their grocery stores.
But the genre also offered something the classroom could not. Eubanks quotes Erica Smith, a sex educator specializing in purity culture and those leaving high-control religious settings, and author of The Purity Culture Recovery Guide: The Shame-Free Sex Education You Deserve. Smith learned about sex by sneaking her mother’s Danielle Steel books.
“I learned a lot about sex from sneaking my mom’s Danielle Steel books,” Smith says. “Reading about other people having sex in romance novels really taught me what it could be and what it was like.”
The genre introduced readers to anatomy and a sexual vocabulary in a way they might not otherwise have learned. It also came with problems. Toxic relationship dynamics and gender stereotypes ran through the pages, and the industry was nearly completely closed to LGBTQ+ representation.
The Genre’s Expansion
In the past decade, romance has expanded far beyond the bodice-ripper. The category has exploded, thanks in part to #BookTok, with varying “spice” levels and sub-genres like regency romance, dark romance and fantasy romance.
Several books have hit mainstream book clubs, including Heated Rivalry, A Court of Thorns and Roses and Fifty Shades of Grey, which opened audiences to the world of BDSM, though the book offered a flawed interpretation of the kink scene. My own friends and I have discussed a memorable scene from a Meghan Quinn book over cocktails, where the main character eats popcorn off the love interest’s member.
The Rise of Romance Bookstores
Romance-specific bookstores are now on the rise. Sincerely Yours opened in 2025 in Atlanta, Georgia, founded by best friends Mallory Gay and Madison Glines. They got into the genre by reading fan fiction, which launched several mainstream titles, including the Fifty Shades series, After and The Idea of You.
“We were really into One Direction,” Gay says. “That’s how we met in high school; we were like primarily friends over Tumblr before we were friends in person, and we would read and share fan fiction.” It felt like rebellion, but it sparked joy.
Their store divides shelves by sub-genre and runs in-person community events, including book clubs and craft nights inspired by the titles. Eubanks bought her first “smut” title, Praise by Sara Cate, from the dark romance shelf there.
What Romance Offers Now
Plenty of schools offer comprehensive, non-judgmental sex education. Even there, romance novels can serve as a safe and healthy way for young (and not-so-young) people to explore their own desires.
Hariri-Kia sees the shift as a reclaiming of power. Women have become louder and prouder about their love of romance, she says, using social media and online communities to drive supply and demand.
The essay presents an argument for romance’s role. The genre did not replace schools or families. It simply provided a private, shame-free pathway to information that was otherwise scarce.
That is a quiet victory. It is also a reminder that desire is not a force to be feared.
Key points:
1. Abstinence education in Georgia focused on disease, avoiding desire.
2. Romance novels taught anatomy, vocabulary and the existence of pleasure.
3. The genre carries toxic relationship dynamics and lacks LGBTQ+ representation.
4. #BookTok drove romance’s expansion into regency, dark and fantasy romance.
5. Romance bookstores like Sincerely Yours divide shelves by sub-genre.
Source material: “How Romance Novels Filled in the Gaps Left by Sex Ed,” Literary Hub.
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