Jeremy Culhane returned as Tucker Carlson on Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update, and he spent the segment taking shots at the summer box office. The bit covered kids movies, adult dramas and streaming platforms alike.
“It’s movie time, let’s find our seats, silence our cell phones and abandon Christian values,” he opened, mocking PAW Patrol: The Dino Movie. “Jesus didn’t live at the same time as the dinosaurs but PAW Patrol did? What are we doing? What’s going on?”
Culhane also took aim at Toy Story 5 and Minions and Monsters, though he made clear which Minions and Monsters he meant. “It was also a big summer for Minions and Monsters and no I’m not talking about the children’s film, I’m talking about the Trump cabinet. That’s right, I’ve turned on Trump, I’m so brave.”
The Disney Film
On Disney’s Tom Hanks-narrated film, he asked, “Let me understand this, you’ve got a friend in me and his name is Woody?” He then moved on to Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey, Tom Holland’s Spider-Man: Brand New Day and Curry Barker’s Obsession.
Nolan’s Drama
“The Hollywood cabal shoots its filth with millimeters, or what I like to call it, the gay edge. I like The Odyssey, it’s so nice to see Greek people do something other than make women feel uncomfortable.”
Spider-Man and Obsession
On Spider-Man, he said, “Everybody loves Spider-Man: Brand New Gender. Spider-they, Spider-them, uses whatever bathroom it feels like.” On Obsession, he added, “Obsession, the left’s idea of a horror movie is that a woman is forced to love a man. Oh no, help, I’m being chased by a heterosexual relationship.”
Carlson’s Targets Break Down
| Movie | Target | Carlson’s Line |
|---|---|---|
| PAW Patrol: The Dino Movie | Kids movie | “Jesus didn’t live at the same time as the dinosaurs but PAW Patrol did?” |
| Toy Story 5 | Children’s film | “Got a friend in me and his name is Woody?” |
| The Odyssey | Nolan’s drama | “Greek people do something other than make women feel uncomfortable” |
| Spider-Man: Brand New Day | Superhero film | “Brand New Gender” |
| Obsession | Horror movie | “A woman is forced to love a man” |
The Streaming Hit
Weekend Update anchor Michael Che took aim at Paramount+ and Taylor Sheridan. “The White House responded to major news networks canceling coverage of President Trump by launching a live stream called Trump TV. But if that’s Trump TV, what the hell is Paramount+?”
The shows on screen included Sheridan’s Yellowstone, prequel 1883, spinoff Dutton Ranch and Sylvester Stallone-led Tulsa King.
Reaction From One Commenter
One commenter posted anonymously. “Just cancel this trash already.”
What We Make Of It
Culhane delivered sharp, pointed satire on everything from PAW Patrol: The Dino Movie to Paramount+.
The jokes targeted the summer box office, touching on both kids movies and adult dramas.
The segment showed that Weekend Update can hit multiple targets in one outing.
See the video the story is built around at Deadline.
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