G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra opens with a promise: a big-budget action spectacle built around the toys that defined childhood for a generation. It delivers the spectacle, but it leaves the promise behind.
The film follows Duke Strangler (Channing Tatum) as he joins the Joes, a secret military unit tasked with stopping a terrorist group called Cobra. The villain is Cobra Commander (Christopher Eccleston), who plans to destroy the world with a weapon called the Nanomachine. Alongside him is the Baroness (Sienna Miller), Storm Shadow (Ray Stevenson), and Snake Eyes (Lee Byung-hun).
Trailer, via YouTube Movies.
The Action Works
The action sequences are the film’s strongest feature. A chase through the streets of Paris, a fight aboard a speeding train, and a final battle at the fictional nation of Cobra-La all move fast and hit hard. The stunts are practical where possible, and the editing never lets the pace slow down. These scenes justify the price of admission for anyone who wants pure entertainment.
The Plot Does Not
The problem starts with the script. Characters get no time to breathe. Duke is a blank slate who exists to be told about the world around him. The Joes are introduced in a montage that names them without showing them. The film rushes from one set piece to the next without building tension or letting the audience care about the outcome.
The villain is less a character and more a mouthpiece for exposition. His plan is never fully explained, and his motives remain opaque. The Nanomachine itself is a plot device rather than a threat. The result is a movie that feels frantic rather than tense.
The Cast Carries What It Can
Channing Tatum brings physicality to Duke, but the role gives him nothing to say. Sienna Miller’s Baroness is a femme fatale with a few lines of dialogue. Christopher Eccleston is wasted as Cobra Commander, a man of obvious intelligence reduced to shouting into a megaphone. Lee Byung-hun’s Snake Eyes is a silent presence who never gets a chance to speak.
The film also leans heavily on its supporting cast. Marlon Wayans plays Ripcord, a comic relief role that mostly involves being confused. Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays Heavy D, a computer genius who spends most of the movie in a basement. The chemistry between Duke and the Baroness is supposed to be romantic, but it never lands because neither actor gets room to explore it.
The Look of the Film
The visual effects are competent. The sets are elaborate, and the action is staged with confidence. But the film’s reliance on CGI is noticeable. The action scenes often feel hollow, with explosions that look fake and crowds that don’t react. The film’s biggest set piece, the battle at Cobra-La, is a letdown after the promise of its premise.
The music is loud and bombastic, which suits the tone. But it also drowns out quieter moments that might have worked better. The score tries to elevate the action, but it ends up competing with it.
Where It Falls Short
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra fails because it treats the source material as a toy box rather than a story. The film is full of references to past G.I. Joe comics and toys, but none of it connects to the plot. The film’s attempt to appeal to fans of the franchise while also being accessible to newcomers falls flat. It ends up pleasing neither.
The film also suffers from pacing issues. At 110 minutes, it should be tight, but it feels bloated. Scenes that could have been cut are left in, and the runtime drags in the middle.
| Scene | Location |
|---|---|
| Chase through Paris | Streets of Paris |
| Train fight | Speeding train |
| Final battle | Cobra-La |
Key Facts
- Title: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
- Director: Stephen Sommers
- Runtime: 110 minutes
- Release year: 2009
- Score: 3.2/10
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is a hollow shell of a blockbuster. It has moments of genuine excitement, but they are buried under a pile of missed opportunities. The action is good, but the story is weak, the characters are thin, and the villain is a cipher. It is a film that knows how to blow things up but not how to make them matter.
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