A Million Ways to Die in the West Reviews: Seth MacFarlane’s Western Comedy Is Gross, Not Funny

A Million Ways to Die in the West opens with a warning: “Do not attempt this at home.” That’s a fair promise to keep. The 2014 Western comedy follows Albert (Seth MacFarlane) as he tries to win back his ex-girlfriend Libby (Amy Poehler) by impressing her new suitor, a cattle rancher named Lee (Ian McShane). The plot is simple. The execution is not.

MacFarlane wrote, directed and stars in the film. He also voices the talking horse Mr. Ed, who delivers some of the movie’s worst jokes. The result is a film that spends more time being gross than being funny. It wants to be a love letter to the classic Western, but it keeps interrupting itself to make sure everyone knows it’s not really serious.

Trailer, via Universal Pictures Australia.

Albert’s Problem

Albert is a coward. He runs a small general store in a town that’s about to lose its only business. He can’t ride a horse, he can’t shoot straight, and he can’t stand up to anyone. His solution to all of this is to pretend he’s a cowboy, even though he’s clearly not. This is supposed to be the heart of the story, but it never lands.

Poehler plays Libby as a woman who has given up on men entirely. She’s tired of being hurt, tired of being disappointed, and tired of being ignored. Her character arc should be about learning to trust again. Instead, she spends most of the movie reacting to Albert’s incompetence and Mr. Ed’s stupidity.

McShane shows up late in the film as Lee, the man who has come to town to buy Libby’s ranch. He’s a cattle rancher, and he’s not happy about the competition. His arrival sets off the main conflict, but the film spends so much time setting things up that the payoff never feels earned.

The Horse That Carries the Plot

Mr. Ed is the real star of the picture. He’s a talking horse, voiced by MacFarlane, who appears in Albert’s dreams and occasionally in reality. He tells jokes, offers advice, and generally makes things worse. The horse is meant to be a comic device, but it becomes a crutch. Whenever the film runs out of ideas, Mr. Ed shows up to deliver a punchline.

The problem is that the jokes aren’t jokes. They’re just gross. There’s a running gag about Mr. Ed’s penis, which is described in great detail and used as a threat. There’s a scene where Albert gets hit in the face with a dead animal. There’s a joke about a man’s testicles being crushed by a horse. None of it is clever. None of it is funny. It’s just gross.

The horse is also used to explain things that should be explained by dialogue. When Albert doesn’t know what to say, Mr. Ed tells him to say something about the weather. When Albert is nervous, Mr. Ed tells him to lie. It’s lazy writing, and it makes the film feel unfinished.

The Town and Its People

The town is populated by a handful of characters who exist mainly to provide background. There’s a sheriff, a saloon singer, and a group of cowboys who show up for a few scenes. None of them get developed. They’re just there to fill out the world.

The film tries to build tension by having Albert compete in a shooting contest against Lee. Albert is terrible at shooting, but he keeps trying. The contest is a way to force Albert to confront his fears, but it doesn’t work. The film keeps cutting away to Mr. Ed, who is making jokes about Albert’s failure. The tension is broken.

There’s also a subplot involving a local bully who picks on Albert. He’s the kind of character who would be fun to hate if the film spent more time with him. Instead, he’s just a punching bag for Albert’s cowardice. The bully gets what’s coming to him, but the moment feels hollow because we never cared about him.

Where the Film Goes Wrong

The biggest problem with A Million Ways to Die in the West is that it doesn’t know what it wants to be. It’s a Western, but it’s not interested in the genre. It’s a comedy, but it’s not interested in being funny. It’s a romance, but it’s not interested in love. It’s a mess.

The film is also badly paced. It takes forever to get to the point. The first half is mostly setup, with Albert moping around his store and complaining about his life. Then there’s a long stretch where nothing happens. The film is waiting for Lee to show up, but it doesn’t know why. The audience is waiting too.

When the film finally does start moving, it goes too fast. The climax is rushed, and the resolution is abrupt. The film ends with a wedding, but it feels like a capitulation. The characters don’t earn their happiness. They just get it because the movie ran out of time.

Here’s what the film does wrong:

• It relies too heavily on Mr. Ed, whose jokes add nothing to the story
• It focuses on gross humor over actual comedy
• It fails to develop the supporting characters
• It rushes the climax after a slow first hour

Comparing the Films

The Big Lebowski is a comedy that respects its characters. It’s silly, but it’s also tender. It’s a movie about friendship and loss and finding meaning in a meaningless world. A Million Ways to Die in the West is not that movie. It’s a movie about a guy who can’t shoot a gun and a horse that talks.

Blazing Saddles is a Western comedy that actually works. It’s full of gross jokes, but they serve the story. The jokes are about racism and power and the absurdity of the American West. They land because they’re tied to the characters. A Million Ways to Die in the West is full of gross jokes, but they don’t serve anything. They’re just there.

The Verdict

A Million Ways to Die in the West is a failure on almost every level. It’s not a good movie, and it’s not a bad movie. It’s just a movie that doesn’t know what it wants to be. It wants to be a Western, but it can’t stop being a gross-out comedy. It wants to be a romance, but it can’t stop being a slapstick farce. It wants to be a satire, but it can’t stop being a parody of itself.

The film is technically competent. The cinematography is pretty. The performances are adequate. But none of that matters when the script is this bad. A Million Ways to Die in the West is a movie that wastes its cast and its premise. It’s a movie that could have been great, but it chose to be gross instead.

The film’s final score is 4.4 out of 10.

2014 film · Amy Poehler · movie review · Seth MacFarlane · Western comedy