No More Heroes is a game about a man with a sword, a cat, and a very large penis. That is the pitch, and it is not wrong. Grasshopper Manufacture’s 2007 action game for Wii, PC and Switch follows Travis Touchdown, a freelance assassin who fights to become the top-ranked hitman in America. He does it with a giant sword, a cat named Desuka, and a lot of talking about his own inadequacies.
The game is a strange beast. It is a cel-shaded action game wrapped in a story about failure, loneliness, and the absurdity of being a professional killer. It is also a technical marvel for its time, and a cultural artifact that has aged better than most of its peers. The score is 7 of 10.
Travis Touchdown’s Sword
Travis is a mess. He is overweight, unemployed, and deeply insecure. He lives in a small town, works at a convenience store, and dreams of becoming a great assassin. The game opens with him failing a job interview for a local pest control company. His father is dead, his mother is a drunk, and he has no friends. The world he lives in is a small, mundane place.
Then he gets a call. A mysterious organization offers him a chance to join a league of assassins, ranked from #1 to #100. The catch is that he has to fight everyone ahead of him to get there. The game is a series of boss fights, each one a different assassin with a different gimmick. Some are fast, some are slow, some are huge. Travis has to learn their patterns, dodge their attacks, and cut them down.
The sword is the star. Travis wields a massive blade that can cleave through enemies in one swing. He can charge it, block attacks, and unleash a flurry of strikes. The combat is simple but fluid. It rewards patience and punishes greed. The game is generous with health, but it is stingy with time. Enemies hit hard, and Travis dies quickly if he stands still.
Desuka’s Role
Desuka is Travis’s cat. She is a small, gray feline who rides on his shoulder and gives him advice. She is the voice of reason in a game full of absurdity. She tells him to be careful, to think things through, and to stop being a fool. She is also the one who names the assassins he fights, giving them nicknames like “Mr. Perfect” and “The Great White Hope.”
Desuka is a running gag. She is often ignored, and she often complains about it. She is the only character in the game who seems to care about Travis. She is also the only character who is not trying to kill him. Her presence is a constant reminder of the contrast between Travis’s mundane life and his violent profession.
She is also a gameplay element. In some levels, she can be used to distract enemies or solve puzzles. She is a tool, but she is a tool with a personality. She is not a silent companion. She talks, she argues, and she occasionally helps. She is a cat who knows more than she lets on.
The Bosses
The bosses are the heart of No More Heroes. Each one is a unique character with a unique fighting style. They range from the ridiculous to the terrifying. There is a man who controls a giant robot, a woman who can fly, a man who is a living tank, and a man who is a living ghost. Each fight requires a different strategy. Some require quick dodges, some require long-range attacks, and some require close combat.
The fights are timed. The game tracks your performance and ranks you at the end. This creates a loop of repetition. You fight a boss, fail, learn the pattern, and try again. The game is not forgiving, but it is fair. It tells you what you did wrong, and it gives you a chance to fix it. The difficulty curve is steep, but it is consistent. The game does not suddenly become impossible. It builds on itself, layer by layer.
The bosses are also the source of the game’s humor. They are absurd, over-the-top, and often comical. They are not meant to be taken seriously. They are meant to be laughed at. The game is a satire of the action genre, and the bosses are the punchline. They are the reason the game is memorable.
The Story
The story is a tragedy. Travis wants to be a great assassin, but he is not. He is clumsy, weak, and scared. He fails at everything he tries. He fails to save his father, he fails to impress his mother, and he fails to make friends. He is a failure in every sense of the word. The game is a long journey of failure, and Travis never quite succeeds.
The story is told through flashbacks and monologues. Travis talks to himself, to Desuka, and to the player. He explains his failures, his dreams, and his fears. The game is not subtle about its themes. It is explicit about the idea of failure. It is a game about a man who cannot do anything right, and it makes him the hero of the story.
The story is also a mystery. The organization that runs the assassin league is never fully explained. The people who run it are shadowy figures, and their motives are unclear. The game ends with a cliffhanger, leaving the player wanting more. It is a tease, and it is effective. It makes the player want to know what happens next.
The Graphics
The graphics are a mixed bag. The game uses a cel-shaded style, which means the characters look like animated cartoons. The backgrounds are detailed, and the lighting is dramatic. The colors are bright, and the animation is smooth. The game looks good, especially for its time. It is a technical achievement, and it holds up well.
The problem is the characters. Travis is drawn as a large, round man with a giant sword. He is not attractive. He is not handsome. He is not even likable. He is a loser, and the game makes him look like one. The other characters are similar. They are caricatures, and they are not nuanced. They are stereotypes, and they are not interesting.
The graphics are not the focus of the game. The focus is the combat. The graphics are a tool, not a destination. They are there to support the action, not to distract from it. The game is not a visual spectacle. It is a game about fighting, and the graphics are secondary to that.
The Sound
The sound is a mixed bag. The music is a mix of rock and jazz, with a heavy metal influence. It is energetic, and it fits the action. The boss themes are memorable, and they set a tone of tension and excitement. The soundtrack is a highlight of the game, and it is worth listening to on its own.
The voice acting is a different matter. Travis speaks in a monotone, and his delivery is flat. He does not emote, and he does not vary his pitch. He sounds bored, and he sounds tired. The other characters are worse. They are overacted, and they are silly. The dialogue is written to be funny, but the delivery ruins it. The game is not a comedy, and the voices make it feel like one.
The sound design is competent. The sword swings are loud, and the impacts are satisfying. The enemies make noise, and the boss fights have a sense of scale. The game is not silent, and it is not noisy. It is balanced, and it is effective. The sound supports the action, and it does not distract from it.
The Length
The game is short. It takes about ten hours to finish, and it is replayable. The game has a ranking system, and it encourages the player to improve. The game is not long, but it is dense. It is packed with content, and it is rewarding. The game is best played straight through, without stopping. The game is not a sandbox, and it is not open-world. It is a linear adventure, and it is a good one.
The game has a few side quests, but they are optional. They are not essential, and they are not fun. They are a distraction, and they are not memorable. The game is best played straight through, without stopping. The game is not a sandbox, and it is not open-world. It is a linear adventure, and it is a good one.
The game is also a precursor. It is a template for the sequel, No More Heroes 2: Desolation, which improves on it in almost every way. The game is not perfect, but it is influential. It is a landmark, and it is a classic. It is a game that deserves attention, and it is a game that is worth playing.
Ranking the Bosses
The bosses are the reason the game is memorable. Here is a ranking of the most iconic ones:
- The Great White Hope — a towering assassin with a laser cannon.
- Mr. Perfect — a man who can fly and summon clones.
- The Living Tank — a massive armored fighter.
- The Living Ghost — a spectral assassin who moves through walls.
- The Giant Robot — a man who controls a mechanical behemoth.
Each boss leaves a mark on the player. They are the reason the game is talked about. They are the reason the game is a classic.
The game is a 7 of 10. It is a game with a strong vision, and a weak execution. It is a game with a great concept, and a poor presentation. It is a game with a great soundtrack, and a terrible voice cast. It is a game with a great combat system, and a terrible story.
The game is a recommendation. It is a game that is worth playing, but it is not a game that is perfect. It is a game that is memorable, but it is not a game that is enjoyable. It is a game that is a landmark, but it is not a game that is a masterpiece. It is a game that is a classic, but it is not a game that is a must-play.
Key Facts Box:
- Title: No More Heroes
- Developer: Grasshopper Manufacture
- Platforms: Wii, PC, Switch
- Release Date: 2007
- Genre: Action
- Length: About 10 hours
- Critical Score: 7 of 10
The game is a 7 of 10.
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