Cindra Kamphoff, a sport and performance psychologist, has a new book out, The Confidence Habit: 7 Core Practices to Transform Self-Doubt to Self-Belief, and it comes with a signature move that is delightfully absurd: the pretend flush.
The technique, which Kamphoff calls “learn, burn, return,” involves making a mistake during a high-stakes moment, then pretending to flush it down the toilet. The book, published in September, offers creative ways to manage fear and negativity before, during and after a big task. The goal, Kamphoff says, is for people to “be their best in the moments that matter most to them.”
Kamphoff has worked with top athletes, including members of the Minnesota Vikings and USA Track & Field. In 2012, she ran a marathon and hit Mile 22, where her self-doubt kicked in. She told herself, “This is dumb. Why am I doing this?”
The Marathon Self-Talk
Her solution was to write positive phrases on her arm. She repeated messages like “I’m strong, I’m fast, I’m fit, I’m ready.” As she repeated them, her pace picked up. She won her division and ran her last four miles the fastest part of the entire race.
That experience became the foundation for her book and her coaching practice. Her clients include Adam Thielen, a former Minnesota Vikings player who used the toilet flush move after fumbling during a playoff game in 2020. Thielen then caught a 43-yard pass over his head that helped the Vikings win the game.
Learn, Burn, Return
The “learn, burn, return” sequence is the core of Kamphoff’s approach. It is designed to help people move past a mistake quickly.
- Learn: Ask yourself what you learned from the mistake. Use the prompt “Next time, I will _____.”
- Burn: Find a physical motion or verbal cue to signal that you are moving on. Kamphoff suggests snapping your fingers, saying “that fast” or “you might literally pretend to flush a toilet.”
- Return: Remind yourself that you got this, that you are doing the best you can.
The toilet flush is the burn step. Kamphoff taught it to Thielen, and he used it after his fumble. The movement helps the brain strengthen new neural pathways when it comes to moving through anxiety, she says.
Power Phrases and Self-Talk
Kamphoff also emphasizes how you talk to yourself. According to the American Psychological Association, self-affirmations, even in small doses, can have lasting effects on self-esteem.
Her power phrases start with “I will,” “I can” or “I am.” She asks clients to consider how they are at their best, what that looks like and what it feels like. For Kamphoff, the phrases reminded her of her love for running and that she had trained for hundreds of miles to run the race.
The repetition mattered. As she repeated the phrases during her marathon, her pace improved. She ended up winning her division and running her last four miles the fastest part of the race.
Gold, Silver and Bronze Goals
Instead of fixating on one perfect outcome, Kamphoff recommends setting a range of goals. She calls them “gold, silver and bronze.”
For a runner, the bronze goal might be a time you are generally happy with. The silver goal could be a personal best. The gold goal is winning the race.
This approach decreases anxiety and increases confidence by removing the pressure of one ideal performance. An outcome is something you cannot control, she says.
Fact-Checking Your Self-Doubt
Negative thoughts can overwhelm you right before a job interview or a big test. Kamphoff offers a three-question framework to challenge those thoughts:
- Is that thought true?
- Is that thought serving you?
- What would be a more empowering statement?
This method is similar to acceptance commitment therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy. It pauses negative thoughts and helps you return to the present moment.
For example, if you walk into a job interview thinking, “If I don’t ace this, I’ll never get another job,” the exercise challenges that thought. A more positive, grounded alternative: “Even if I don’t get this job, I know I’m capable of success and that there are better opportunities for me.”
Confidence as a Choice
Kamphoff frames confidence as a decision you make in the moment. “You get to decide in the moment, are you going to be confident?” she says. “Many times the action of confidence comes before the feeling, and it’s a skill.”
The book is built around seven core practices, which Kamphoff has distilled from years of working with athletes and performers. She says the tools can be applied to any situation, whether it’s a race, a work presentation or a job interview.
Related Work From Life Kit
Life Kit has covered anxiety-busting strategies before. A clinical psychologist named Jenny Taitz offers simple techniques to improve your mood and calm your body and mind in minutes. Other pieces cover distress that makes it hard to think straight, including dunking your head into a bowl of ice water to trigger the mammalian dive reflex. There are also rituals to calm your body and mind before bed, aimed at people struggling with insomnia.
| Strategy | Target | How It Works |
|---|---|---|
| Learn, burn, return | Mistakes in high-stakes moments | Learn from the mistake, burn it with a physical cue, return to confidence |
| Gold, silver, bronze goals | Performance outcomes | Set a range of goals instead of one perfect result |
| Fact-check your doubts | Negative thoughts before a test or interview | Ask if the thought is true, serving you and what a more empowering statement would be |
Our View
The toilet flush is the most memorable part of Kamphoff’s method, but it is not the whole story. The “learn, burn, return” sequence is a structured way to process failure, and the power phrases give the brain evidence of success. Setting a range of goals removes the pressure of perfection. And fact-checking your doubts is a practical way to challenge unhelpful thoughts.
The book is available now, and Kamphoff’s methods are backed by her own experience and research. Her clients have included professional athletes, and her work with Thielen shows the technique can work in the biggest moments.
Key Facts Box
– Book: The Confidence Habit: 7 Core Practices to Transform Self-Doubt to Self-Belief — published September
– Author: Cindra Kamphoff, PhD in sport and performance psychology
– Clients: Minnesota Vikings, USA Track & Field
– Thielen’s fumble: 2020 playoff game
– Thielen’s catch: 43-yard pass over his head, helped Vikings win the game
– Kamphoff’s marathon: 2012, Mile 22 self-doubt moment
The toilet flush is a gimmick, but the psychology behind it is sound. The book is a collection of practical tools, and the pretend flush is just the most visible one. Whether you use it or not, the underlying message is clear: confidence is a choice you get to make.
Kamphoff’s methods are simple enough to try today. Move on quickly, speak to yourself powerfully, set a range of goals and fact-check your doubts. The next time you make a mistake, you might just pretend to flush it down the toilet.
Source material: “A hot tip to battle performance anxiety? 'Pretend flush' a mistake down the toilet,” NPR.
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